Bad at Love

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Happy Valentine’s Day! And yes, I titled this post after Halsey’s song because I love it (and this post is about being bad at love, so it’s perfect). In case you haven’t been following me long and haven’t seen my Valentine’s Day ideas for singles post, I am currently single. It’s not something that I’m particularly unhappy about because there’s a lot that I’m still learning about myself right now. But…

I’m not going to lie-most of my relationships end because of me. I’m a very independent person who doesn’t have many close relationships in general, so giving up some space and sharing more of myself with someone is quite scary. Especially with my first relationships, I would detach myself as soon as I started falling hard for someone (well, I would try and then end up coming back because, well, I had already fallen). I also thought I wasn’t good enough or experienced enough to be with whoever I was dating, which was honestly just in my head.

On the other hand, I’ve also ended up in relationships that the other person wanted, but not me. When I’m stressed and upset, it’s easy for me to confuse my feelings, especially when the other person is pushy about it. In the past, I have been SUPER picky about who I dated, so I thought I might need to try out something new. I was wrong. While sure, I shouldn’t have insane standards, I need to actually have a crush on someone before dating them. This tends to be a slower process for me, as I like to learn more about people before I’m attracted to them (although some people DO give off good vibes from day one). There’s lots of attractive people out there, so they have to have some quirk or passion that sets them apart from others. I’ve learned that it’s okay if I don’t immediately jump into relationships or if I reject people who I don’t have feelings for.

The upside to being ‘bad at love’? You learn a lot. I may not have been in a successful relationship yet, but I have a better idea of what is needed for a relationship to work. Here are some of the key lessons I’ve learned.

  • If you’re in a relationship, you have to be willing to compromise. Not about everything of course, but you need to work with your partner on what’ll balance out your wants/needs with theirs.
  • Communicate. I can’t emphasize this enough. I feel like a lot of relationship issues stem from not communicating/not being honest with each other. If something’s bothering you, let them know! You can’t expect them to read your mind.
  • Respect each other. This might be obvious, but you should be in a relationship with someone that respects you AND the things you care about. This includes your parents, friends, your pets, your dreams, etc. This isn’t a one-way street…you need to respect him/her and the things he/she cares about too!
  • Love each other. This is another obvious one, but you need to be with someone who you care about. Don’t get in a relationship just because you’re afraid of ending up alone.
  • Give enough space. While the amount of space depends on both you and your partner, it’s good for you both to spend some time apart. This can be a hobby, a job, a friend group, etc.
  • Own up to your mistakes. You have to be able to understand when you’ve made a mistake and be able to apologize and change it. Otherwise, you’ll keep making the same mistakes over and over, and who wants that?

What lessons have you learned from your relationships?

 

 

7 thoughts on “Bad at Love

  1. All of these are super true! They may seem obvious but they aren’t always until you sit down and think about them. Communication is one of the most important things in relationships and it’s always something that can be improved!

    I’m the opposite of you, and I’ve been in relationships almost consistently since 2006. I think the most important thing I’ve learned is not to take the other person for granted. And it’s also important not to lose sight of yourself in relationships too, which has happened to me but thankfully not to an unfixable degree.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I agree communication is essential and can always be improved. And those are some good points too! Especially since I tend to focus in more on what I’m accomplishing and trying to help others, I really need to spend more time focusing on whomever I’m dating and not taking them for granted. I think I also started to lose sight of my self in some relationships, but it is important to be able to date someone and still be you!

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  2. I think I am similar and previously I always struggled with even dating guys because I just hated getting close to people 😂 but before I met my current partner I really took time to just focus on myself and figure myself out/what I was looking for and it really helped! Plus my current partner is amazing 😊 great post lovely read xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, I’m currently taking the time to discover more about myself and want I want, so hopefully that’ll help me out in my next relationship! Although I like to be unique and do what I want, I also tend to be a people pleaser so I think in the past, I had trouble finding a balance between what I want and what my partner wants. I’m glad to hear that you’ve been able to find a great relationship though! Thanks for reading! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s me as well! Definitely a people pleaser- still am in a lot of ways but I am learning haha! But now I am more aware of expressing what I want as well as acknowledging what my partner wants 😊 thank you! You are welcome, have fun finding more out about yourself 😊 xx

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  3. The biggest lesson I’ve learned from my relationships is that, if someone loves you, they will never, ever give you a reason to doubt that. When I was younger, the guys I dated did some shady stuff and I just thought it was normal. Turns out, I just had bad taste! My current boyfriend has never done anything to make me question him or our relationship and that level of trust is so important to feeling settled and content!

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is very true! I think relationships go a lot more smoothly if you both don’t have to constantly question/doubt whether or not the other person loves you. I’m glad to hear you’ve found a boyfriend who doesn’t make you do that! ☺️

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