Happy Valentine’s Day! And yes, I titled this post after Halsey’s song because I love it (and this post is about being bad at love, so it’s perfect). In case you haven’t been following me long and haven’t seen my Valentine’s Day ideas for singles post, I am currently single. It’s not something that I’m particularly unhappy about because there’s a lot that I’m still learning about myself right now. But…
I’m not going to lie-most of my relationships end because of me. I’m a very independent person who doesn’t have many close relationships in general, so giving up some space and sharing more of myself with someone is quite scary. Especially with my first relationships, I would detach myself as soon as I started falling hard for someone (well, I would try and then end up coming back because, well, I had already fallen). I also thought I wasn’t good enough or experienced enough to be with whoever I was dating, which was honestly just in my head.
On the other hand, I’ve also ended up in relationships that the other person wanted, but not me. When I’m stressed and upset, it’s easy for me to confuse my feelings, especially when the other person is pushy about it. In the past, I have been SUPER picky about who I dated, so I thought I might need to try out something new. I was wrong. While sure, I shouldn’t have insane standards, I need to actually have a crush on someone before dating them. This tends to be a slower process for me, as I like to learn more about people before I’m attracted to them (although some people DO give off good vibes from day one). There’s lots of attractive people out there, so they have to have some quirk or passion that sets them apart from others. I’ve learned that it’s okay if I don’t immediately jump into relationships or if I reject people who I don’t have feelings for.
The upside to being ‘bad at love’? You learn a lot. I may not have been in a successful relationship yet, but I have a better idea of what is needed for a relationship to work. Here are some of the key lessons I’ve learned.
- If you’re in a relationship, you have to be willing to compromise. Not about everything of course, but you need to work with your partner on what’ll balance out your wants/needs with theirs.
- Communicate. I can’t emphasize this enough. I feel like a lot of relationship issues stem from not communicating/not being honest with each other. If something’s bothering you, let them know! You can’t expect them to read your mind.
- Respect each other. This might be obvious, but you should be in a relationship with someone that respects you AND the things you care about. This includes your parents, friends, your pets, your dreams, etc. This isn’t a one-way street…you need to respect him/her and the things he/she cares about too!
- Love each other. This is another obvious one, but you need to be with someone who you care about. Don’t get in a relationship just because you’re afraid of ending up alone.
- Give enough space. While the amount of space depends on both you and your partner, it’s good for you both to spend some time apart. This can be a hobby, a job, a friend group, etc.
- Own up to your mistakes. You have to be able to understand when you’ve made a mistake and be able to apologize and change it. Otherwise, you’ll keep making the same mistakes over and over, and who wants that?
What lessons have you learned from your relationships?